Thought 12.

Fiveee days left til I turn 18 :) fair to say I'm excited and I feel like a little girl excited for Christmas or something! Hopefully my cold/illness will be gone by then, its seems to have got worse today, but I cant complain because there are people out there who have there legs chopped off and put on other peoples legs, imagine that though, your leg wouldn't even work, it would just be there o.O 

This week has been pretty fun :) went by so quick, but I enjoyed the end of it more :) 

Isn't life just weird and crazy, then when you find people who actually can make you happy and make life easier for you, I dont think anyone should give up on them having them in there life :) I dont think you should stay sad about something for long, if you cant change it - dont bother trying to work out different things in your mind. Just watch some random Crabstickz videos and then be happy again :) alsoo I found having chicken and cheese is a massive comforter aswell! 

Im happy that im starting to feel more like me again, I guess I'm happy that I'm happy Emma again :) I really needed this week ^_^ 

Plus this time next week I will most likely be 18, off my face, and talking to some random person who I will most likely just laugh at there dancing :) 

Also how great is this song? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjncyiuwwXQ

Thought 11.

I dont really know what to write about, but I'm writing this anyways with something in mind, so I actually do know what I'm going to write about but I'm just saying all of this as a way to kinda make it seem like I have wrote something and just to start me off....yeaaaahhhh. o.O

Is it weird to just enjoy being alone for a little bit? Like you've been surrounding and talking to people loads and just to go home and not talk or see anyone and just read or even watch films or browse YouTube. I enjoy it, I enjoy being with my own thoughts, makes you think things through a little. Maybe I'm alone in this I dont know. Now I'm not saying that I always want to be alone, because where would the fun be in that? plus I love peoples company and finding out there personalities. I dont even know if I'm making sense or not. It does to me I guess :)

Im soooooo procrastinating my media again, even though I enjoy doing it....I dont even know myself sometimes :')

Side note: Theres someone who has came back into my life recently, we use to be really close. Have midnight walks in Consett park and everything, I'm sure one time he said he wasn't even scared of anything yet when a bus pulled up be side him he actually jumped out of his skin. Actually so funny. He is a pretty awesome friend like. I guess I'm writing about him because he said something to me yesterday which oddly inspired me :) I guess I love inspiring people, and I'm drawn to people like that :) And he gives the best hugs ever ^_^

Thought 10 - Birmingham.

Just thought I would tell everyone about my trip to Birmingham this weekend to see Asking Alexandria.

So the start of the weekend was fun stayed over my friend kyles flat (who I went to Birmingham with) , his house mates and I, all made pancakes and watched Spirited away. We decided to stay up til our bus was due, bearing in mind that it was at 5am. However I didn't last so I slept from like 1ish til like 3. Worst mistake ever to do in your life. When I woke up I was sooo tired, and felt like shit. Actually couldn't wait to sleep on the bus. We walked into Town, and got on the bus. It was a pretty decent bus to be honest. We just kinda slept the whole bus journey. I ended up having another dream of me flying holding on to a goldfish with chicken tongs from work o.O 

Having arrived at Birmingham, just waking up at the right time to realise we were here. Walked to the Hotel using Kyles iPhone for maps and shizz, turning up just to be turned away as they wouldnt let us check in yet!! so we walked around in a place we knew nothing about. Finally as 12 came around we went back in the hotel, the room was pretty decent like, beds were comfy and everything :) So we just chilled for a little then gun shots were going off!!!! dun dun dunnnn. Nahhh they were actually balloons just popping in the sky :') we needed to go get some food, so we literally walked around for ages looking for cheap places to eat, found good old Mcdonalds haha. 

So we got back to the hotel room, and we were both feeling just really poopy. So we killed time til the gig, by sleeping and I watched a film. We got up and ready in time for the gig. Arrived there to be standing outside in the cold for what seemed like ages in the most shit weather ever!!! snow! and I was wearing converse, I was just so cold :( Now inside the gig, after warming up was a pretty amazing atmosphere has to be one of the best gigs I would have been too. If it wasn't for the fact that I nearly broke my toe and someone stole my phone!!! Kyles phone had also gone missing too, so we had no maps to get to places or anything...god knows how we done it.

Ahhhh, it was such a crazy weekend man. And on the way back we were on a shit megabus and I kept on getting dripped on from the stupid window!!!

It was sooo bad that it was just too funny.

My friend Cole actually asked me today after telling him all of this if it was worth it, I replied...

#WasntEvenWorthIt 

Thought 9.

I think this is going to be a confession post, I should maybe of put confession 1 in the title, I dont knoww, maybe I will later on after this is published. I thought I could do this, I really thought I could. But how can someone make you happy, but fuck with your mind at the same time?

I just dont want to be confused anymore :( I thought it would be okay, just keep everything bottled in dont tell anyone then maybe it could all disappear, but it reaaaally cant. It just doesn't work like this. I know deep inside that in the long run what I have to do will be so much better for me then staying the way it is. It will just hurt even more than it does now, and I dont want to feel like something is wrong with me anymore.

I have no idea what's going to happen in my life, and I hate that im 17 and I have to think about these things already.

I wish things could have worked out differently, I really do.

aww man, Im so fucked up, I dont even know anymore. And I even feel bad for writing this, because I know there is worse things that people can go through, I keep trying to be strong and stuffs, but I cant. I shouldnt even publish this tbh, and its stupid to think that the blog can actually be there for me.

I really want to be with my friends so much right now.  AHHHHH.